I was going to start out apologizing for not writing these past several months but you know what? I’m giving myself a pass. A moment of grace. I can’t do it all. I DON’T do it all. I’m not a supermom, superwoman or anything of the sort. I don’t have all my stuff together and you know what? That is OK. I forgive myself for my shortcomings. I forgive myself for not being able to fully juggle a full time work schedule, being a wife and the OVERTIME work of being a mom of an amazing boy with additional needs.
For any moms/dads or carers out there that need to hear this…give yourself a moment of grace. Realize and recognize that it is OK to feel lost, broken, exhausted and overwhelmed. You’re a human, not a robot.
I took a break from being on social media and writing because I was realizing that sometimes those platforms create these ridiculous and fabricated “lives” that make others pine away for perceived perfection.
I got lots of nice comments on my blogs and posts and then I realized that I had become one of those people. The one that portrayed an air of perfection when nothing was further from the truth.
So I stopped posting and took a moment to look at what I am trying to achieve.
I write and expose my life because I don’t want anyone out there to feel alone or like a failure cause you know what, I fail too…DAILY.
I’ll wake up with the best intentions to “Do better” and end up going to sleep with the same unachieved plan.
I have tried whiteboards, calendars, planners and lists and each one is a testament to my inability to get my Sh*t together.
My good girlfriends decided recently that instead of doing a “Vision Board” or focusing on a “To Do” List we are going to be honest and raw and support each other in our “Things we Don’t Do” list.
What better way to show each other support and solidarity than in vocalizing and uncovering our failures??
So you know what?
I don’t make my bed in the morning. I think it’s a waste of time. No one is going to see it and it makes it more accessible for when I need to collapse into it…
I don’t moisturize my hands like I should. More than fifteen years of hospital sanitizer and scrubbing for surgery my hands are rougher than sandpaper but my husband is used to the pain I inflict by touching him.
I don’t cook anymore. It used to bring me joy and now having to figure out the time to shop, meal plan and cook makes me anxious, so you know what? Meal plan delivery service it is! (Thanks Soulara!)
I don’t take care of my mental health as well as I should. I’m working on it but it is definitely a work in progress…
I don’t separate my laundry past “dark” and “non dark” clothes. I purposely don’t have white stuff so I don’t have to deal with the drama of laundry segregation more than that…
I don’t write as much as I want to or should. I let the fear of being “real” pollute my creativity. I am regularly paralysed by the fear of “what if ‘they’ don’t like it”. I’ve realized now that I’m writing to heal and to help and if I do both in the process than that is a big ol fat win.
So you know what, let 2020 be the year of ‘What you Ain’t Gonna Do’. Be happy with what you won’t have time for. Embrace and accept what you won’t get around to. Be real, be authentic and most importantly, give yourself a break. You deserve it.
