We had a birthday recently. Not just any birthday. It was Noa's FIRST birthday.
Well yes, he turned six but it was his first time celebrating with a birthday party.
Before this year, birthdays and holidays all went unnoticed.
He never cared or understood things like Christmas, Birthday celebrations or parties.
They were fun, but he didn't "get" why we were celebrating.
We did all the usual things: cook large Thanksgiving dinners, put up the beautiful tree for Christmas but we never really bothered with birthdays because he didn't care.
We did try. His third birthday, right after his diagnosis we tried to have a small family birthday party. I got him a hat, and we had a friend make a cake and we sang....
When we did, Noa started shrieking and crying. He couldn't stand the noise.
The celebration turned into me rocking him in his room until he calmed down.
After that, we would go to his friends' birthday parties but I would have to take Noa out of the room when it was time to sing Happy Birthday. Something about the singing triggered him to melt down.
Then, as all things do with Noa, something changed.
We were at one of the umpteenth birthday parties for one his classmates. All of a sudden, Noa comes up to me and asks, "Noa has a birthday too?"
I was caught off guard. Not only was he asking about his birthday for the first time EVER, he was doing it in context! He was watching one of his friends, eyeing the decorations and cake and decided that he wanted the same!
I almost cried right there.
This would be the best birthday EVER!!!
I immediately went into planning mode. My husband and I went around to every kiddie zone, birthday party/germ factory around to find the perfect place for him and his friends.
We knew that having a place that was friendly to children on the Spectrum was a must...it had to have good "sight lines" so we could keep an eye on our little ones while they played...
It had to not be too loud, preferably not have too bright of lights and not be crazy expensive.
We booked it early on a Sunday morning as it was less likely to have lots of other children there.
You would have thought we were auditioning spots for a $50K Platinum Wedding!
After we selected the location, I had to find the cake. Easy right? Have you ever tried to find a bakery that can make a cake that is egg free, dairy free, nut free and gluten free? Well thankfully we live in a pretty big city and I was able to find just the place. Then I had to choose the design. I flipped through the books looking at characters that I didn't recognize. Who is PJ whatever? The Wiggles? Huh? Noa doesn't watch TV, he's never seen a movie and doesn't really have a favourite character so I didn't know what to do.
I just decided to go with some plain, handwritten "Happy Birthday" and cupcakes for the kids.
So after I ordered the cupcakes that were taste free (oops, I meant "healthy") , I ordered a shirt that said "Birthday Boy" and got all the decorations in his favourite colors of royal blue and green.
Everything was all set.
Every day, we talked to Noa about his birthday party.
Noa has to be prepared for things. He needs to know in advance what will happen. So to help, we started going to the play center where his birthday party would be held. He got used to the facility, the lights, the sounds. He loved playing there.
He asked everyday, "Its Noa's birthday?". We would assure him it was coming soon.
The day of the party, I dressed him in his cute little shirt. I told him that all his friends would be there.
We got to the venue and he was comfortable, recognized everything and went off to play.
Within minutes his friends began to arrive, with gifts in hand. Noa would see them and then
there would have an unspoken word between them and they'd go off to play, running and jumping around the play zone.
The moment came for cutting the birthday cake and tasteless, albeit safe, cupcakes.
This was the best moment.
For the first time in his six years of life, Noa sat at a table and had all of his friends and school mates sing "Happy Birthday to You" .
I watched him carefully, my heart overflowing.
He flinched at the singing. His expression became more strained. He focused on a cupcake and furrowed his brow.
There was no smile, no eye contact, no acknowledgment of the singing and accolades.
At the end of the song, he immediately looked at me and said "Cupcake please".
I grinned and gave him a cupcake.
The kids grabbed their flavorless paperweights and happily gobbled them up then ran off to play.
It was a success. These little friends, these moms and dads made this day a memorable one for my Noa.
After another hour it was time to go home.
We packed up all the gifts, and said goodbye.
Noa was happy and relaxed.
I asked him, "Noa, did you enjoy your birthday?"
He looked out the window as we drove home, "I had fun at my birthday"
Tears were welling up in my eyes. We have come so far.
We got home, unloaded over 20 gifts from the car and took them into the house. Noa stepped over the wrapped presents, not even realizing what they were.
He ignored them and grabbed the balloons from the party.
He bounced them up in the air, watching them float down from the ceiling, oblivious to the gifts around his feet.
He still doesn't quite "get it" but that's OK
He got enough today. I got more than enough today.
He had a very Merry UnBirthday.
