This morning wasn’t any different than any other morning.
My alarm went off. I got up, hurriedly getting myself ready, careful not to make too much noise so I don’t wake him.
Last night was bad, again. He was up at 2am, wanting something to eat.
So we got up, fed him and got him back to sleep by 330am.
As I crashed into my bed, I did a quick calculation. I can get 2.5 hours of sleep now. That will have to do. I’ll be exhausted, like I’ve been but it’s better than nothing.
I go in to wake him up.
This morning isn’t any different than any other morning. He fights, he kicks and swings at me. I’m used to it. I block his swings and continue to talk to him, to try to soothe him, to bring him down.
He’s calmer. He finally gets out of the bed. He empties most of the toothpaste in the sink. That’s the second tube he’s gone through in a week. I get some out of the sink and brush his teeth.
He starts to run off. I have to chase him around the room to wash his face.
He’s rolling on the floor. I try to get his clothes off and get his school clothes on. He’s kicking at me again. I side step, used to having this dance. My shin is bruised from the last kick from last week.
School clothes on. He’s still protesting. Now loud. I’m sure the neighbours can hear.
I try to get him to eat. He never eats in the morning. I get him to take some swigs of a smoothie. 3 is enough.
He is now calmer. No more kicks and swings.
He starts to repeat the same statements over and over again.
I get him into the car. The car calms him more.
We drive to school.
He runs off to play as soon as we get there. He is happy and calm.
I’m exhausted but pretend to be good.
I chat with the other parents. The bell rings, its time.
I give him a kiss. He is relaxed now. The routine is set.
I come home. There are toys all over the floor, the kitchen table is a mess and there is laundry that needs to be folded and dishes that need to be put away.
I’m giving myself a moment of grace.
A moment to say no.
A moment not to care. To focus and not worry.
I’m giving myself the gift of One Hour.
For all my parents out there, especially those of us juggling the never ending battle of what HAS to be done and what NEEDS to be done…
For those who have a child that has special needs or just NEEDS their energy and time…
For those who can’t seem to pack everything that needs to be done into one day…
Please, listen
Take that time to breathe, to focus, to worry less about what NEEDS to be done and more on what you WON’T be doing.
Give yourself a break
Give yourself the chance to pause
Give yourself the gift of ONE HOUR.
You deserve it.
Merry Christmas
