I’m an 80’s baby (ok FINE, a 70’s baby). Point is, I’m old and have an appreciation for “old” music. One of my favorites to sing in the shower was a ballad by Karyn White, called ‘Superwoman’. I would belt out the lyrics, never understanding what they meant but I loved the “I’m Not Your Superwoman” chorus. Fast forward almost 25 years later and I find myself thinking about those lyrics. Not because the song was catchy (it was) but because I realized that trying to be that “superwoman” is impossible, unreachable and a very dangerous thing to aspire to.
We have the unfortunate position as moms (and dads!) to think that we should be EVERYTHING at once. A great mom, a great wife, a great employee, a great friend, a great community leader….Well, hate to bust your bubble folks...It ain't possible. The one “good” thing that happened out of our COVID lockdown was the ability to retire the idealistic cape of Superwoman and being able to retire into the world of “this is all I can do for now”.
We find ourselves in a distressing and complicated world right now. Watching the hate and pandemic spread across our home has been difficult to say the least. I’ve had so many sleepless nights, anxiety and survivors guilt galore.
It’s been hard on so many, the home schooling, the uncertainty of tomorrow and the fear. Throughout it all, we have had to adapt to our new “COVID normal”.
I would leave early in the morning like normal, this time wearing scrubs, a mask and hat. Don and doff my PPE all day long and then come home to decontaminate in the garage and take a shower before touching anything or anyone.
My poor husband was left in the wilds of home with a little one with ASD and ADHD trying to “home school”.
We continued slogging along for the last seven months. During that time we re-discovered how chill life could be when you don’t have things to do or places to go. For seven months there were no birthday parties, cookouts, swim or track practice. No movies, no date nights, no dinners. All the outside noise was gone, leaving just us behind. Long walks or family bicycle rides replaced the usual Saturday errands. Everything was stripped back down to the basic essence. It was actually quite nice.
I started writing again (not here but a book!) and hubby and I made plans for the next step in life.
Soon our COVID normal was shattered by the resumption of the “regular” normal. Our numbers went down, schools opened back up and things started to go back to a slightly slower pace. Coming out of lockdown was like waking up from a long hibernation. We are now edging back to the somewhat hectic pace of afterschool activities, rushing for pick up and grocery store runs. Days aren’t consumed by PPE wash downs and COVID scares.
So now I find myself having to decide on who I am going to be again. I’ve had the opportunity to sit in the comfort of knowing that there is NOTHING to do and I loved it. I had limits on what I could offer which allowed me to go back to things that made ME happy without apology or interruption. I’ve read books, listened to music and I've done NOTHING but watch Noa blow bubbles for hours. Know what I decided???? IT’S GREAT!!! So after 7 months of intermittent lockdowns and still living through unprecedented times, I’ve decided to strip off the mask and stop being ALL.
I’m not going to be a great everything. Sometimes I forget things, sometimes I will say “no” to things (full stop, no explanation needed). Sometimes I will need a nap or self care or family down time. It all ain’t gonna get done. Our COVID numbers are thankfully low, I get to go back to less PPE and put on real “clothes” to go to work now. However, when I go into my closet, that silly Superwoman cape will sit right there where I left it. I’m not your superwoman. I’m not pretending to be. I’m flawed and I don’t care that the world sees it...Please snatch the pedestal away cause I’m not standing on it. If you’ve learned anything about me please remember...I DON’T have it all figured out, I WILL NOT pretend to have my *ish together and I’m going about life and learning as I go. Be kind to yourself and do me a favor….BURN your cape. Like the great Anita Baker sang…”I’m Giving You the Best That I Got”. No more, no less.
(Sang it, Karyn!)
